I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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