Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
