John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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