I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
