My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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