Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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