somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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