meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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