called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
