There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
