and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
