I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
