Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
