my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
