the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
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I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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