i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
