I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
