I am puke
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
