Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
