i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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