It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
