Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
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Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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