bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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