ya dads aren't the best wingmen
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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