Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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