somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
