Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
