Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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