If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
