i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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