Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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