omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
