:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
