Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
