I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
