so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
