dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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