remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
