I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
