that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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