Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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