So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
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Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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