why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
