He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
