My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
