Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
