Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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