I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
