The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
