she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
