i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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