i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
These tits shall not be calmed
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
