After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
