im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
