he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
