He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
