This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
