i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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