If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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