Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
