Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
