apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
