sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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