remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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