You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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