we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
