I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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