and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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