no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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