she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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