tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
