If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
