not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
