He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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