I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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