i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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