So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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