Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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