honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
